There’s a question that haunts me from time to time. It’s such a simple question that I’m embarrassed to speak it out loud. But it’s a question that I keep coming back to: “Does God really love me?” Or, to phrase it another way, “Is he pleased with me?”
The reason why I am haunted by that question is sometimes I’m afraid the answer might be “No.” There are days when I wake up and I’m afraid to talk with God because I picture him as a Father with his arms crossed, wondering why I can’t get my act together.
And you may be thinking, “Dang, Mark must have daddy issues.” Honestly, I don’t think so. When I think about arms wide open people, my dad is one of the first people who comes to mind for me. I love my dad so much it hurts.
But when it comes to God, I often see him as someone who wants nothing to do with me. I’ve processed this with counselors. I’ve wept over this.
I feel ashamed that maybe I’m not doing enough with my life. I compare myself to other people. Maybe God would be more pleased with me if I was more like that guy over there. Maybe God would love me more if I was a better friend. A better husband. A better dad.
On my worst days, I believe that I have to earn God’s approval. And the way to earn it is to not screw up. On days like this, even the smallest mistakes can make me feel like a colossal failure.
Some days it is a battle for me to believe that God approves of me. That he loves me. That he is for me.
What’s harder for me to wrap my head around is that there is literally nothing I have to do to earn his love. Jesus has done everything that is required to secure my right standing before God. But embracing that truth is hard. I feel like the prodigal son in the mud with the pigs thinking, “There’s no way my father will ever take me back.”
Maybe you can relate.
Here’s the thing though—that image of God the Father with his arms crossed—it’s an illusion. It’s a mirage in the desert. It’s not real because it’s not true. There are moments when God overwhelms me with the truth about who I am and who he is.
It happened when I was holding my son, JJ. I love holding him and whispering in his ear how much I love him. It is such a joy to be his dad.
As I was holding him, I sensed that God was telling me to hold on tightly to the love I have for my son. Then I started to pray and ask God what he wanted to show me.
While I was praying, I was reminded of a game I play with my daughter, Ivy. She says this to me all the time, “Daddy, I love you all the way up to the moon and back THREE times!”
Then I say, “I love you to the moon and back FOUR times!”
“FIVE times!”
“TEN times!”
And on and on we go until she runs out of numbers.
So there I was, thinking of how I love JJ all the way to the moon and back 10 times.
I tried to multiply my love for JJ by 100. I started to tell God what I was feeling.
“Lord, I feel like my heart may burst out of my chest now.”
Then 1,000.
“Lord, I can’t even begin to comprehend that kind of love.”
Then 10,000.
“Lord, can anyone fathom that kind of love?”
I then tried to multiply it by 1 million. I couldn’t.
“Lord, can the earth itself understand that kind of love?”
Then 1 billion. Impossible.
“Lord, not even the universe itself could contain that kind of love!”
And I felt the Lord speak to me, “I love you more still.”
If you struggle, like me, to believe that God is pleased with you, consider this: all the galaxies in all the universe cannot begin to contain the love that God the Father has for you.
Friends, God the Father is an arms wide open God. Come to him. He will never turn you away.
The reason I can state that with such confidence is because of Jesus, the demonstration of God’s infinite love for us. Jesus clothes us in righteousness and presents us before the Father clean. God loves us so infinitely because when he looks at us, he sees Jesus.
Friends, that’s good news. Breathe easy. The Father is pleased with you. And with me.
Dodd Squad 