Raising Daughters in a #metoo World

Recently, I took my daughter to see the movie ‘Ralph Breaks the Internet.’ There’s a scene in the movie that was prominent in the trailer leading up to the movie. The scene goes like this: 

Vanellope von Schweetz, the speed racer with a glitch, stumbles into a room filled with Disney princesses. Vanellope claims to be a princess herself. The Disney princesses interrogate that claim by asking a series of questions, eventually leading to THE question,

“Do people assume all your problems got solved because a big strong man showed up?”

Vanellope responds, “Yes!” 

The Disney princesses burst into applause, “She is a princess!” 

The scene is obviously played for laughs, but it highlights cultural stereotypes about the nature of manhood and womanhood. To be a man means you are the leader and get credit for the work women do. To be a woman means you are dependent on men for your well-being. This scene is attempting to point at the absurdity of this cultural narrative. 

And in the age of #metoo, this cultural narrative is falling apart. What the #metoo movement has brought into focus is that WOMEN ARE POWERFUL. Women have voices. They are not background characters. They are not sitting around wells singing, “I’m wishing for the one I love to find me someday.” 

I don’t have words to capture the admiration I have for my friends, both men and women, who have come forward with their #metoo stories. I hope that I can have just an ounce of their courage. I am happy that powerful men who have been abusing their power are being stripped of it. There is so much to celebrate when I look at the #metoo movement. 

So why do I feel uneasy? And what does all this have to do with parenting? 

To answer those questions, let me say something regarding my beliefs about parenting and culture. As a parent, one of my primary responsibilities is to help my kids navigate culture—the good, true, and beautiful, as well as the lies and empty promises. It is hard but necessary work. 

With the #metoo movement, culture is changing rapidly. I don’t need news headlines to understand this is the case. I can see it sitting in a movie theater with my daughter watching ‘Ralph Breaks the Internet.’ On the one hand, I’m grateful for the changes in culture. I want young men to think about the consequences of mistreating women. I want grown men to treat women with dignity and respect. I don’t want to live in a world where men get all the credit and women don’t have a voice. 

On the other hand, I’m uneasy because culture sways back and forth like a pendulum. It isn’t anchored to any particular narrative. Culture is propelled forward by the ideas that are winning. So if you want to prevent yourself from being swayed to and fro by the culture, you need an anchor. You need a narrative that helps you make sense of the world. 

I believe there is a true and better story that helps us make sense of the world. 

So let me ask some questions.

If a man claimed to have all power and authority in the world, how would you respond? Maybe you would think I am referring to Donald Trump. But you would probably think that man is delusional. 

But what if I told you that this man has never once abused his power? You would probably think that is impossible. Look at the headlines in the news! Powerful men abuse their power all the time!

And what if I told you that this man sees the inherent worth and dignity in every man and woman? Maybe you would think I’m describing a character from a fairy tale. 

This is the part where I tell you that I’m not describing Donald Trump or a fictional character. I’m talking about Jesus. Listen to the very last thing he said on the earth to his followers: 

“All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me… (Matthew 28:18).”

That sounds terrifying in a #metoo world. The idea that one man would have all the power sounds like a disaster. But Jesus never once used his power as an opportunity to take advantage of a man or a woman. Think about that. Do you want to know why men and women felt safe around Jesus? He never used his power against them. Not once. 

The fact that Jesus says, “All authority has been given to me” is good news for us because Jesus is the only one who will never abuse that power. But don’t forget what took place before Jesus spoke those words. Jesus GAVE UP his power to enter into our broken world. He was born into poverty. He took on the role of a servant. He loved the poor, the widow, and orphan. He dined with sinners and prostitutes. He welcomed men and women to follow him. He died on a cross for the sins of the world and he rose from the dead. All these things transpired before Jesus said, “All authority has been given to me.” 

Jesus demonstrated in his life, death, and resurrection that he is the only one who is worthy of all authority. The question that every one of us has to deal with at some point or another is, “Will I surrender to his authority or not?” 

My prayer as a parent for my daughters is not just that they will be good students of culture. My prayer is this—that the good news that all authority has been given to Jesus, the only one who will never abuse that power, will be their anchor for life.